The Path to Plan B

Remember your earliest dreams of becoming a parent? You probably gave more thought to the joys your child would bring and less to the biological process of getting there. Like many, you assumed that you and your partner would, literally, make your baby. Simple enough, right?

The truth is, pregnancy is not always that simple. For some, creating a child requires more than biology and love. Fortunately, those who are persistent and willing to embrace an alternative approach to family building can see their dreams become reality. I know firsthand the physical and emotional challenges of navigating this journey and the elation of embracing the best outcome of all, my daughter, Krista Rose.

Genetic Connection

When options such as traditional in-vitro fertilization (IVF) and artificial insemination (IUI) have been exhausted, you may be advised to consider using an egg or sperm donor or pursuing adoption. In many cases, using an egg donor is the recommend solution, especially for women later in their reproductive years.

These options can be the answer to your prayers. At the same time, they can be daunting considerations because you will be giving up a genetic tie to your future child. You may have invested energy in a vision of a child with your curly hair or your partner's cute dimples. The picture becomes fuzzy and emotionally-charged when you try to imagine some, or all, of your child's DNA coming from someone else.

New Possibilities

The choice to use a donor or to adopt can generate unexpected emotions. Some people are left feeling inadequate or undeserving of a child. Others don't feel like an equal partner in the process. And still others may say, "Our baby won't really be my child."

These feelings are completely understandable and should not be dismissed. People in this situation often find strength and clarity by exploring their feelings with a trained third party. In this way, they ultimately come to terms with what each option can offer. For instance, I've worked with clients who initially considered Donor IVF off the table. Then, when other procedures were unsuccessful, they reconsidered and pursued using an egg donor. Not only could they, finally, have a viable pregnancy, they had complete control over their baby's prenatal care. Two big plusses!

Your Child, No Matter What

My clients who have either used an egg / sperm donor or adopted all say the same thing when they first set eyes on their child: this is my child. They know, deep inside, they are the child's parents - 100 percent. There is an unspoken, loving connection when they speak and their children turn their heads to the sound. The new parents feel that their legacy has arrived.

A common question is when, or if, their children should learn the details of their birth. Others wonder if they should tell family and friends the method they are using to build their family. These are personal choices. Responses can fall on a range from very open to completely private on the subject. Some people don't hide the details, but also don't share their story unless it feels important to do so. A fertility coach can help you craft your own approach to these issues.

Many people who enter the world of fertility treatment will face big decisions. And every choice has pros and cons. The best decisions are made with both head and heart as you explore all the possible outcomes and find what works best for you.

About Merideth Mehlberg and Fertile Perspectives

Merideth Mehlberg, founder of Fertile Perspectives, survived nine years of extensive fertility testing, treatment and alternative therapies in pursuit of her goal to be a mother. In June, she and her husband, Kevin, welcomed daughter Krista Rose to their family.

As a fertility coach, Merideth combines her empathy with strong critical and strategic thinking skills to help clients evaluate their range of choices and chart their own unique paths. She works with individuals and couples in her coaching practice. In addition, she runs support groups, speaks and offers workshops on all aspects of infertility.

If you're struggling with fertility choices and want a caring, professional point of view, contact Merideth at 510.864.0249 or mer@fertileperspectives.com to schedule a confidential complimentary consultation.

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